It's Monday. Did you have a great sleep last night, or did you toss and turn and dread getting up and going to work?
Recently, I read an article that stated that only 37% of workers in the United States felt respected at work. I couldn’t stop thinking about that horrifyingly low statistic, and it got me wondering to myself why work is such an awful experience for so many people. And although there are a lot of different theories - many of which you’ve probably heard before - and you probably have a few of your own - here’s mine. It’s one that you may not have considered:
Workplaces are often cesspools of unkindness.
Unkindness perpetrated by managers and supervisors. Unkindness experienced overtly or covertly from coworkers and teammates. And unkindness that is promoted and supported in generalized work culture.
Maybe you are thinking to yourself, “But workplaces aren’t supposed to be kind…they’re workplaces! If you treat people kindly at work, they won’t do what they are supposed to do and nothing will get done!” then you’ve just proven my point. And in fact, when I give talks about Kind Leadership, the question I’m most often asked is “If I treat people kindly at work, won’t they take advantage of me and not do their work?”
So, if kindness isn’t expected at work, and, in fact, the opposite, meanness, is, then you can pretty much guarantee that many workplaces will be full of unkindness.
And the problem with that, is that unkindness leads to more unkindness as you can see above from the illustration from my book The Kind Leader: A Practical Guide to Eliminating Fear, Creating Trust and Leading with Kindness. Maybe you remember the old cartoon of the boss yelling at the worker, who then goes home, yells at their partner, who then, in turn, yells at their child, who then goes and kicks the dog. Or maybe you’ve experienced this yourself, at work. Unkindness such as yelling, berating, or demeaning perpetrated by a manager doesn’t just affect the employee’s experience at work. They take it home with them, and treat their family and community members the way they were treated at work.
And, unfortunately, I wish I could say that the cycle of unkindness ends there, but it doesn’t. The child who “kicked the dog” goes to school, bullies other children and then grows up to be the unkind leader who yells at their team member…and the whole cycle beings again.
Workplace unkindness isn’t just perpetrated by managers and supervisors. Unkindness from colleagues and teammates can be both covert and overt.
Covert workplace unkindness occurs when office cliques form and groups of people gossip about and other groups in the workplace and/or individual workers. Maybe the person being ridiculed has a different accent, comes from a different religion or cultural background…or is just perceived as a threat to promotion from someone within the clique. Covert workplace unkindness can stay covert, or it can turn into overt workplace unkindness.
Overt workplace unkindness can take the forms of excluding a team mate from a work group or project, putting an inflammatory screen saver or poster up in a cubicle next to them, or saying unkind and mean things directly to them. Although many companies are mandating that people return to the office full-time, if you’ve been the victim of either of these types of unkindness from coworkers, I’m sure you are not looking forward to it.
Finally, when you combine unkindness from managers and supervisors, and unkindness from colleagues and coworkers that goes unchecked, an overall unkind work culture and environment is created.
And that leads to a lot of fear.
Because no one wants to be treated unkindly. They don’t want to be yelled at (even if they did make a mistake), ridiculed for sharing an idea in a meeting, or made fun at for their beliefs or looks.
So, if you couldn’t sleep last night because you dreaded heading into work (physically or virtually) this morning, and you thought to yourself “I wonder why work is just so awful?” please consider that it might be because of unkindness and the fear that stems from it.
And, then, please ask yourself if you are adding to that unkindness, as a manager, supervisor or as a team member.
And if you are, please stop.
Treat people kindly. Speak to them kindly. Act and react kindly when they make the inevitable mistake they are going to make. Treat everyone with respect. Because they deserve it because they are a human being, just like you are, even if their beliefs and/or looks are different than yours.
Workplaces need to be the place where kindness is practiced most. So it can spread from work to home to community, and across generations. Modeled by leaders and woven into the fabric of workplace culture.
I can guarantee you, that when workplaces are kind places, you’ll be able to sleep on Sunday nights, and work won’t be awful at all
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