Putting Up With Bad Behavior isn't Kind to Anyone

There are many myths about kindness and Kind Leadership. One of the most prevalent is that kindness means putting up with 'bad behavior'. 

However, ignoring 'bad behavior' isn't kind to anyone. You, your team, your organization, and, especially, the person who isn't displaying the kind of behavior that is acceptable. Here's why:

1. 'Bad behavior' usually means that someone isn't acting in accordance with the values of your organization or team. If one of your organizational values is honesty, and a team member lies about the status of their work or covers up a mistake they made, then it's a behavior that needs to be dealt with, or your values just becomes 'words on a wall'. 

2. 'Bad behavior' that is ignored by leadership gives permission for that behavior to continue. And for it to spread. Because when others see that leaders ignore 'bad behavior' they assume that leaders don't see it as 'bad'. That they see it as acceptable. And that isn't kind for the team or the organization.

3. As a leader, 'tolerating' bad behavior usually doesn't feel good. You may feel like you are being 'taken advantage of', but actually, you aren't. It's your choice to talk with the team member exhibiting the behavior and determine what to do to change it. If you choose not to do this, you aren't being kind to yourself (because you are probably getting frustrated and/or upset), or to the employee (who may get a poor review, or fired, because they haven't been given the opportunity to improve their behavior).

Kindness - and Kind Leadership - isn't about being 'soft' and ignoring 'bad behavior'. It's the opposite. It's about taking the steps to work with the team member so that they can improve. Kindness means "creating a positive outcome and impact for another" (The Kind Leader, p. 6). Ignoring, tolerating, grumbling and complaining to yourself and others, doesn't create a positive outcome for anyone. It may be easier in the short-term, but it's not kind.

So if you have a team member who isn't acting in accordance with your organization's values, or isn't meeting their targets, have a conversation with them. Kindly. Don't berate or demean them as a person. Stick to the facts. Share what values are being broken. Show the gap to the Target. Then do your best to help them figure out how to do better. 

It may be harder for you, but it's the kind thing to do for everyone.