Kind Leaders know that winning (even when it's couched in "win/win" language) often leads to unkindness to others and self because it is based on competition.
Watching the Olympics gave me a lot to think and reflect on. One series of commercials had statements in it like “You’re not a winner until you’ve won again. And again. Nothing is enough.” And “Because if you don’t want to win, congrats…you’ve already lost.”
In a world in which so much of the idea of success, and leadership, is based on competition, (or, to be more specific "being the winner of a competition"), the idea that "winning" doesn't have to be the most important outcome of leadership is the most scoffed at concept in The Kind Leader.
After, all, in business and life, isn't "winning everything"? Aren't leaders supposed to encourage the kind of "healthy competition" that drives people to do more, and do better...than others? Isn't "beating the competition" what is supposed to happen?
Kind Leaders know that it's not. And that "winning isn't everything".
Because unlike “winning or losing”, life and leadership, aren't binary. If you try something and don’t succeed, it doesn’t mean you’ve lost…or that you are a “loser”. As an individual, and as a leader.
And the only way to reach goals isn't through competition. Most great advancements, achievements and success take teamwork. They take combining the creativity and efforts of many people. They take a team working together in pursuit of something greater than any one could accomplish on their own. And they take leaders that know how to reduce competition between people and teams and encourage teamwork, collaboration and cooperation.
So if you are a leader who feels more comfortable reaching your organization's goals by encouraging others to get along and work together, have the courage to do it your way.
And when you and the team don’t succeed, the first or the tenth time, it doesn’t mean that you are “losers”. It means you’re human, and you can decide to try some more...or give up! No need to judge yourself or others harshly. Because when you do, unkind words and unkind actions happen.
Please remember, as a leader, you don’t need to play by the ”winning and losing” rules. You can simply choose to “opt out of the 'competition' game” entirely and lead your people according to your own rules. You can be kind to others and kind to yourself. And help others learn to collaborate and cooperate instead of competing.
To learn more about the negative effects of competition and "winning or losing", please see Chapters 7 and 8 of The Kind Leader: A Practical Guide to Eliminating Fear, Creating Trust and Leading with Kindness.
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