Being Kind Doesn't Mean People Will Take Advantage of You!

If the common myth that people will take advantage of you if you are kind is holding you back from practicing kindness, it's time to dispel that myth!

One of the fears that people share with me about being kind is that people will 'take advantage' of them. In my 7th of 23 reflections on Kindness for my 63rd birthday, I'd like to dispel the myth that people will take advantage of you if you are kind!

About 10 years ago I started my own business. I left the corporate world because many of the values didn't align with my own. When I started my business, I made the decision that I wouldn't turn away anyone who wanted my consulting and coaching because they didn't have the ability to pay for it. Because of that decision, I also decided to "price" my services in a different way than other consultants. When people want to hire me, (if I've decided I'm going to take them as a client), I simply ask them to check their budget and pay me what is comfortable and affordable for them! I call this approach "Right-Sized Pricing".

When I told other business owners (and some friends and family members) my plan, they said, "That is crazy! People are going to take advantage of your kindness and underpay you." However, in almost 10 years, that hasn't turned out to be the case. In fact, for the most part, people pay me much more than I ever would have asked for!

The reason? Most people are actually honest, have a lot of integrity and want to...and do...the right thing!

Most people don't want to take advantage of others.

So why do we think they will?

Because human brains are hardwired for negativity bias. It's left over from when we were living in caves and had to be constantly on high alert for danger. Negativity bias means we remember negative experiences more strongly and for longer amounts of time than we do positive ones. It means that we think about negative things first. Before we consider positive ones.

So our first thought is that if we are kind, something negative is going to happen. Including that someone might take advantage of us!

But it's just not true. And you can use your fabulous human brain to overcome negativity bias! Because here is what really happens when you are kind to others:

1. Kindness leads to more kindness. People tend to respond in the same way they are treated. So if you treat them kindly, then they, in general, will respond more kindly!

2. Kindness reduces fear! And when fear is reduced, people can respond more kindly as well!

3. When you are kind, you disrupt a system that is based on fear, and create more kindness! Unkindness leads to fear...and fear leads to unkindness. It's a vicious circle. So when you act kindly, you break that vicious circle and create a kinder system at work, at home and in the community.

Throughout my almost sixty-three years, I've found that the kinder I am to people, the kinder they are to me...and the less likely they are to try to take advantage of me. When you are kind to your employees, it's unlikely that they will want to skip work, take extra long breaks - or any of the other things that managers often worry about being kind to employees - because they will appreciate your kindness and won't want to lose your trust.

And, it's also important to remember, as we talked about in yesterday's reflection, "nice" and "kind" aren't the same thing. If team members aren't acting in ways that go with company policies and values, then it would be very unkind of you, as their manager, to let that continue. Being kind ensures that you aren't a pushover!

The truth is, no one can take advantage of you unless you let them.

If I didn't feel like a client was paying what was comfortable and affordable for them because they wanted to "take advantage" of my kindness and Right Sized Pricing policy, then I could just not take them as a client. Simple as that. Because their values wouldn't correspond with mine, and it wouldn't be a good fit for either of us.

So if you think that people will "take advantage of you" if you are too kind, please rethink! It's simply a myth and something that holds people back from practicing kindness.